Local researcher and PhD student Justin Rohrer recently made a historic scientific discovery for outer space communications which will allow information to travel hundreds of times the speed of light. Representatives from MIT, Caltech, GA Tech, JCCC, NASA, the NSA, JPL, MITRE corp., the IRS, the UN, the EU, England, Germany, Russia, Japan, China, South Korea, North Korea, India, Iran, Saudi Arabia, New Jersey, and Uruguay were in Lawrence yesterday to see a test run of the new technology. In the demonstration a text message reading "Hello Universe!" was transmitted 3.9 inches without any measurable time delay. Inexplicably, the message at the receiving end read "All your base are belong to us" which means about the same thing. According to Rohrer, this feature may be able to be used for automatic translation of messages into the Klingon language or other yet unknown tongues. It may even do automatic spelling and grammar correction, once a method of seeing the red and green underlines as they travel at the speed of light and above is developed. The commercial value of this technology is estimated at 13.29458670199 billion USD. The IRS said they will use this money to hire additional staff who's job will be to figure out how much they have to give back to Rohrer and the university. Rohrer is hoping to be able to purchase an iPod with his share so that he can listen to music while working on his next breakthrough (rumored to be an artificially intelligent fashion advisor for geeks and nerds).